We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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