this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
