plz talk dirty to me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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