it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
