I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
