Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
