i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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