I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
