Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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