just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
