I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
