the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
