somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize