so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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