I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
