She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He did a backflip because drugs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
