I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
