Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
