how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
