the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
