went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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