i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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