Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize