"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
