He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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