i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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