i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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