Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
