I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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