Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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