I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
