I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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