Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A+ Viking dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
