Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
