Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
