I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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