You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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