Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I believe in your delicious
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
