I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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