I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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