It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
