i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
