this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
