I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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