i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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