she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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