proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
