there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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