3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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