I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
