Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
