Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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