Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
