My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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