the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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