you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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