when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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