you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
