things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
