my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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