Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
