I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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