Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
