I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
