Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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